Happy (Almost) Birfday Erica & THE STORY!

First off.  Let me say Happy (almost) Birfday to my cousin, Erica.  Her actual birfday's on the 3rd (tomorrow, for all of you that haven't fully woken up yet ...) BUT we celebrated her girl's night birfday last night and us a little ole' blast!  Except for when I got hit on by a guy who's game was to trick girl's into thinking he was gay ... and then suddenly lose the act and tell them they're effin' hot in Gaelic.  Ahem, what?  But anyway, let's not go there because that story's far too long and a LITTLE too traumatic to revisit.  Let's just say I was acosted by this man.  And by acosted I mean, ALL UP IN MAH GRILL.  Over and over again until finally he paused to take a breather and I whirled around to tell my mom that "WE MUST LEAVE NOW, get UP and stop chitty chatting and GET ME OUTTA HERE!  He just asked for my FACEBOOK name for GOODNESS SAKES!  I think he's about to ask me to marry him in World of Warcraft!  And on top of all that he keeps switching between the gay and straight act and it's WIGGIN' ME OUT!!!  RUN for your LIVES!!!"  Thankfully, they recognized my ... "urgency" ... but like I said, let's not go there ... Happy Birthday to my cool, tatted-up, rock star cousin.  I LOVES you Yoshi (inside 14-year-old joke).

She hit the birfday-shoe-jackpot, hot shoes for a hot momma (yes, she's the mother of 2, I know she looks awesome) ...

Cousins ...

Also, I'm currently-crushing-on-possibly-going-to this ...

Okay confession:  When Matt and I were dating he took me (due to my incessant hinting and/or bugging TO DEATH) to Disney on Ice for either my birthday or our anniversary or both ... I can't remember (sorry sugar) but I know we went at LEAST twice.  And I loved it.  What a trooper, being that he and I were the only ones not toting a little girl adorned in her favorite Disney Princess of the month costume (I tried to get Matt to let me wear one, he said N-O ...) I LOVE Disney on Ice.  Funny story (but not THE one I've been promising you since Friday, it's coming, I promise) - when my little brother and sister were about 5 years old, my mom and I took them to Disney on Ice.  We MAY or may NOT have went to dinner before hand and I MAY or may NOT have had A margarita (or two) and I MAY or may NOT have weighed about the same as my 5 year old sister at the time causing me to MAY or may NOT have been a little ... tipsy.  At Disney on Ice.  Let's just say that at the end, during the finale (and several times throughout) I sang along (to every Lion King, Little Mermaid, Aladdin and anything else I remotely recognized, which was all of it, because I have Disneymania.  Yes, it's an actual diagnosis.  CAAAAAANNNNNNN you feel THA love toniiiiight ...) and definately maybe even cried the whole time with nostalgia A LOT a few times ... N-E WAYZ, it's looking like it MAY be in the cards for it to happen this year kids.  Don't worry, I'm totally mooching off one of my besties and her darling kid (1) because I love them and (2) in order to not look like a total grown up 5-year-old-wannabe going to Disney on Ice bymahself.  I'll keep you posted on how that plays out.  And for the record, my mister just told me I'm not allowed to dress up as any of the characters.  Oh how he stifles me so ...

ALRIGHT.  Now, for the much awaited funny story (which probably won't even turn out to be funny since I've put so much emphasis on it, why do I build you up buttercup?) Last ... Tuesday?  Wednesday?  I don't remember.  Anyways, not important.  I was driving home from work.  And I went to get Pei Wei for dinner, which I don't usually do on my way home from work.  SINCE I don't normally get Pei Wei on the way home from work, I took a road I usually don't take on my way home from Pei Wei ... a road, who's lovely posted speed limit was 35mph, apparently.  The road I NORMALLY take on my way home from work's posted speed limit is 45mph.  So I was, naturally, going 5 (or a little more) over what I THOUGHT was the posted speed limit.  Until I saw him.  The popo.  And then I knew I might need to figure out the FOR SURE speed limit.  Too late.  Lights on, siren blazing.  Dangit.  Fleeting thought: I don't have my recent insurance in the car.  DANGIT.  So I sheepishly, like a kid who's gotten caught with his hand in the candy jar (or, more in my case, like a Labrador Retriever that's just gotten caught ripping to pieces one of his mom's down pillows-yes it happened), pull my car over and wait for the cop to come to my window.  And then it hits me.  I JUST got Pei Wei.  Not just anything at Pei Wei, but ginger BROCCOLI chicken ... anyone know what broccoli smells like when you're not ready for it?  When you're not aware of it's looming prescence?  ESPECIALLY when it's been pent up in your WARM car due to frigid temps outside?  Well if you don't, it smells like you just ... cut the cheese.  Passed gas.  Let one fly.  Ripped ... well you get my drift.  And it hit me right as he was approaching my window ...

Inner dialogue:

Maybe I can bat my eyelashes and get out of this one ...

Kate, you are a married woman.

But my mister would LOVE if I could make this not cost us any money.  He'd be proud.  I know it.

Um, you look like ARSE, did you forget you snoozed one extra time this morning and busted a pony instead of taking the time to fix your hair?

Dangit.  That turned out to be a bad call.  But I did my makeup ... maybe that will take away from the touseled pony ...

It wouldn't matter if you were Heidi Klum sitting in your most recent Victorias Secret shoot attire, IT SMELLS LIKE YOU JUST TORE ARSE IN YOUR CAR!

Maybe if I angle my Pei Wei just so, so he'll know that's the culprit!

Good luck with that.

And then, he walked up, asked for my credentials, asked if I knew how fast I was going (and if I knew it smelled like old cheese in my car), raised his eyebrows and, I swear, silently plugged his nose and started all air flow through his mouth alone and skeedaddled back to his cop car as fast as he could.  Right then I knew there was no hope.  I'm pretty sure he radioed all his fellow piggies with the following ...

"You guys aren't going to believe this, but I just pulled over a girl with the WORST gas EVER.  I know getting pulled over can make you nervous but this is RIDICULOUS."

And then he gave me not just a ticket, but a double ticket.  One for speeding (53 in a 35), one for expired insurance and I'm PRETTY sure an invisible one for releasing excessive gas as a weapon from an enclosed vehicle upon an officer's approach.  If it wasn't a ticket before, it is now.  Thanks little green trees, thanks.

That's all for today loverlies!!!  I hope it's a gas-free day!!!