Let's Chat ...

... shall we? I was sitting here in my giant recliner, after putting C down for the night, reading random blogs I stumbled upon from other blogs leading myself into a blog-ryinth and it dawned on me. It's been a LONG time since I've really sat down and TALKED with y'all. Sure, I post incessant regular pictures of C and fleeting updates of our weekend activities, but I haven't really had a "Chatty Kathy" session with y'all in a LONG (read 10 months and 10 days, coincidence it's the exact age my child is? I think not ...) time and well, that's just unacceptable.

When I started this blog, I started it because (prepare yourselves for an embarassing confession, I feel myself turning red as I type) I had people tell me that I should blog since facebook only let you use 420 characters (or whatever the number Zuckerberg's upped it to now) for your status updates and I was a crazy ...

well, maybe out of control ...

yep, out of control is the right description ...

amount of times a day updater.

Now, I still update quite a bit but nowhere NEAR as much as I did before I started this blog. Those of you that are my friends on facebook are now undoubtably thinking, "HOW ... on God's green earth ... is that possible? GRACIOUS, I SO would have blocked her long before I did if we'd been friends then."

Oh it's possible. And it happened. So pick your jaw up off your keyboard. RUDE.

Anyways, moving on. We haven't chatted. Is that where I was? Some of the reason for this may be that my brain seems to have been removed during my C-section and no one gave it back to me swaddled in a hospital blanket along with the baby. I'm hoping they reattach it with the next baby Fulmer but I've heard rumors that it only gets worse with each pregnancy. At least I think I heard that, I can't remember ... ?

Another reason is the fact that I'm just plain ol' overwhelmed. But not in the way that it sounds. Overwhelmed with the L-O-V-E that spells itself out for me in the form of a bright-eyed, crazy-haired, smiling boy greeting me in his crib every morning, smiling at me when I come into a room, holding his arms up for me to pick him up, crawling from toy to door to electrical outlet window with wonder and laying his head down to sleep at night. Overwhelmed with the idea that the Mister and I are blessed and charged with the honor of molding and shaping this sweet little life the Lord has entrusted and BLESSED us with. Overwhelmed with the thoughts of, "Am I doing it right?" "What can I do better?" "Am I loving my son WELL?" "Am I loving my HUSBAND well?" "Am I prioritizing the way I should be?" "Can they see HIM in me?" "Does the house look like a Baby's R Us exploded?" In all those good ways, overwhelmed.

And yet even ANOTHER reason is that my best friend, anxiety, comes to visit on a regular basis. Yep, I said it, I'm anxious. I spoke to y'all a little bit about it about a month after I got home from the hospital with C and, while it has gotten SO SO SO much better, I still deal with it periodically. And if I'm honest, when I do it crashes in like a tidal wave. A tidal wave of crazy. However, if I really think about it, it's almost comical. And I absolutely have to look at it that way. And the absolute only way I can do that is through the Lord. Thank goodness He has a sense of humor. Here's an example:

Morning: Mid diaper change I see a red spot anywhere, pick a place, on C's body (ONE RED SPOT MIND YOU) and immediately my mind goes: "What is that? Maybe it's just from me picking him up. His father does have the most sensitive skin in the DFW Metroplex. Maybe he's like his dad. What if it's something else? Could it be chicken pox? What if it's measles? Or mumps? It's swine flu. Oh my gosh I need to call the pedi. THEY DON'T OPEN FOR ANOTHER HOUR!!!"

Fast forward to afternoon, around lunch time: My thought process: "Maybe I'll try a new baby food with C. We need to branch out. This child will only be eating carrots and sweet potatoes when he's 30 if I don't try and incorporate another vegetable in his diet soon. It actually may set him back, nutritionally, for years. I have GOT to get another vegetable option going. Okay, here goes. Oh my gosh, he's gagging. Why is he gagging? Is he sick? Does he have the measles? Or maybe swine flu?!?! I need to call the pedi. THE NURSES TAKE 2 HOURS TO CALL YOU BACK!!!"

Fast even more forward to a trip to the grocery store: "Where are my wipes? I have GOT to wipe down this shopping cart. I know I have this cover thing, but surely it's infested with germs too. After all I've put it on another shopping cart in the past. The news said that shopping carts are one of the dirtiest places on the list of ... dirty places. OMG I think his pacifier just touched the shopping cart before I could disinfect it. HE JUST PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH BEFORE I COULD GET A PACI WIPE!!! WHAT IF THERE WAS SWINE FLU ON THE SHOPPING CART!?! WHY DON'T I HAVE THE NURSES DIRECT LINE!??!"

There you have it. There's a trip to the little island known as 'My Mind'. Don't want to stay too long? I don't blame you. It's a terrible place for a vacation. Exhausting. We go into all caps on a daily basis. Now of course, I exagerrated a BIT on some of those for my friend, sarcasm's sake, but seriously? Two weeks ago I lost 4 lbs, OVERNIGHT, because I was so geeked up about C having a runny nose and being fussy. A RUNNY NOSE PEOPLE. Apparently that day I forgot to eat lunch ... and dinner. Who knew? Obviously not me.

But like I said, you have to laugh. At least I do. Because it really is comical. Even though at the moment it doesn't feel comical, I can cling to the Lord and He shows me just how silly I'm being. Mainly through His word where he basically says, "DUH Katie, I've told you I've GOT this stuff, why are you giving yourself an ulcer?"

Except He says it way better than that:

"Cast all your anxieties on HIM for HE cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"In the multitudes of my anxieties within me, YOUR comforts delight my soul." Ps. 94:19

"My eyes are constantly on the LORD for HE rescues me from my enemies." Psalm 25:15

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD YOUR GOD is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

And through this hymn that I have on REPEAT from the Prestonwood Baptist Church CD (from like 4 years ago) in my car:

For thou, oh Lord, are a shield for me.

My glory and the lifter of my head

Which I'm pretty sure is a verse somewhere but I'm too sleepy to go look it up.

So there you have it friends. I need to come back to y'all. To writing. And sharing some of the humor that is my life. So I'm going to try. I promise. Until then ...

I took a lunch meeting with this guy today. It went well. We decided the penguin and the whale needed to be seperated and the monkey needed to take work more seriously. They weren't operating at their maximum efficiency level. They seem to be handling it well, however the chimp is still monkeying around ...

Y'all KNEW I couldn't do a post without posting a picture of him didn't you? You know you did. And if you made it this far, thanks for listening!!!