Nada, Zilch, Nuttin'.

Well, it's one of those days.  Days where I have nothing and I mean NUTTIN' to talk about.  Which usually makes for a post that's about a novel's length, so you may want to refill your coffee, diet coke, stock up on necessities and maybe even visit the little girl's room before you start reading this post.  SINCE I have a fat load of nothing to talk about today I thought I'd tell y'all about a few things that have seemed funny or maybe even bothered me lately.  First off, my "What to Expect" updates that I get in email and iPhone app form decides to deliver this lovely tidbit a day or two ago ...

"Starting around now, nearly three-quarters of pregnant women begin to experience mild swelling of the feet and ankles. Called edema, such swelling occurs when fluids accumulate in your body tissues as a result of increased blood flow."

Now let me backtrack by saying that these "What to Expect" updates are super hit or miss with me.  They can send me symptom after symptom that I MAY be having and I won't have a single one, HOWEVER, sometimes they'll send me an update and I SWEAR I don't have this symptom until I read it and then BAM, heartburn and naseau.  Or BAM, pounding headaches.  I'm serious, it's like it happens the minute I'm reading it.  So back to the edema, this was a "BAM, cankles and swelling" kind of experience for me when I read this email a few days ago.  I literally looked down and my feet had suddenly grown two sizes giving me the ability to buy shoe sizes they only wear in the NBA.  So, I figure SURELY they'll tell me how to relieve it, and read on.  Only to get this advice ...

"To spell swell relief, avoid sitting or standing for a long time."

Avoid sitting.  And standing.  HUH?  Now pardon my ignorance but does this stump anyone else?  What is my alternative?  Standing on my head?  Limbo'ing?  Back stroking across the floor?  Doing the Pee Wee Herman Tequila dance across my kitchen countertops? 

Way to confuse me "What to Expect" ... thanks for that.  Also, I thought you spelled swell relief s-w-e-l-l-r-e-l-i-e-f.  But I could be wrong ...

This is about how I feel.  (Sidenote, I THINK that's a Garbage Pail Kid!  Does anyone remember them?  You could buy their cards (almost like baseball cards but so not) at 7-11 and my brother and I used to BEG our mom to let us get some everytime we passed a 7-11)

Which brings me to another point.  The heat.  It's a good thing I have all my family and most of my friends in the DFW Metroplex because if I didn't it's possible I'd want to move every summer.  Even now I frequently say "Why do we live here again?"  Holy sweating cankles.  I know.  Sorry.  That's gross.  TMI.  But I can't EXPLAIN to y'all (that aren't pregnant, the ones that are don't need to be explained to) how much I am SICK of sweating ALL THE DADGUM TIME!  I'm not kidding.  I sweat non-stop.  Inside, outside, in the shower.  It doesn't matter.  Oh and did I mention I found out that baby boys make their mommas about 10 degrees WARMER than baby girls?  Cause they do.  Go figure.  Half the time I don't even know why I shower anymore because about 5 minutes into the getting ready process I start to sweat more than the Biggest Loser contestants during their 5 hour workouts!  And sweating when you're all dressed and full makeup'ed just isn't cute. 

Not even he can make that look good ...

HOWEVER, we do have some relief on the horizon.  APPARENTLY (I'll believe this when I see it because I'm convinced that most weather forecasters just google "my daily weather horoscope" and report whatever they get the news) it's supposed to be 93 for the HIGH tomorrow!  WHAT?  No triple digits?  I'm not sure we'll know what to do with ourselves?!?!  That's about 10 degrees (roughly, probably closer to 12) lower than it's been for, oh I don't know, say the last month?  Possibly 2?  All I have to say is BRING ON THE FALL BABY!  I'm ready.  Me, my decorations, my boots and leggings (and giant tent-like tops that I have yet to buy) and my fall-scented candles.  All ready for your beautimous cool air to grace us with your prescence. 

That's pretty much all the whining blabbing I'm going to do today ladies.  Thanks for hanging in there and listening to my ramblings!  I hope your Tuesdays are terrific, I'll see you tomorrow for some 27 week Bumpdates!